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A film by ELELUGGI STUDIOS
Starring
Zac Efron - The Cool Guy Who Learns a Lesson
Miles Teller - The Best Friend Who is Somehow More of a Mess
Michael B. Jordan - The One Who Has His Life Together
Imogen Poots - The Girl Who’s Too Smart for All This
Mackenzie Davis - The One Who Asks "What’s the Worst That Could Happen?"
Jessica Lucas - The Love Interest Who Deserves Better
Executive Producers
The Internet
Some Guy Named Dave
The Entire Fast-Food Industry
The Guy Who Invented Schwarztee (Legend.)
Hollywood’s Obsession with Remakes
Directed by
A Kid from Tirol Who Thinks He Understands America
The Sudden Realization That This Was a Terrible Idea
Written by
Too Much Chochlate
Pure Chaos
The One Time I Actually Paid Attention in English Class
Produced in Association with:
- My Two Annoying Siblings
- My Parents, Who Are Somehow Always Embarrassing
- That Weird Uncle Who Won’t Stop Telling Conspiracy Theories
- My Dog (Who Deserves a Raise)
Filmed on Location:
- My Bedroom (Where All Great Ideas Happen)
- That One Sketchy Back Alley
- A Supermarket, Because Every Teen Movie Has One
- Some Random Rooftop, Because That's Cool
Special Thanks To:
- Schwarztee (Better Than Coffee, Fight Me)
- My Laptop for Not Exploding (Yet)
- The Wi-Fi That Only Works When I Don’t Need It
- The Person Who Invented Chocolate Milk
- The "Skip Ad" Button
- That One American Teen Movie Trope Where the School Has Lockers Big Enough to Fit a Whole Person
Department of Life Failures
Head of Bad Decisions: Me
Lead Developer of Regret: Also Me
Executive in Charge of "It’ll Be Fine": My Last Two Brain Cells
CEO of Bad Timing: My Entire Family
Senior Expert in "I’ll Do It Tomorrow": My Future Self
Physics Department
- Gravity (For Ruining My Life Since Birth)
- My Phone, Which Only Falls Face-Down
- The Mysterious Black Hole That Eats All My USB Sticks
Things That Have Betrayed Me
- My Alarm Clock
- My Own Brain at 2AM
- The "Low Battery" Warning
- Every Single Pen I Have Ever Owned
- The Five-Second Rule (Turns Out, It’s a Lie)
Totally Real Job Titles
Head of Making Things Worse: Me
Senior Engineer in "It Looked Easy on YouTube": Also Me
Department of Unnecessary Chaos: My Cat
Official Expert in Tripping Over Nothing: My Own Feet
Director of Accidental Self-Sabotage: My ADHD
The Great Toaster Incident
- No Toasters Were Harmed in the Making of This Film
- Actually, That’s a Lie, I Definitely Broke One
- Still Waiting for the Insurance Claim
Moment of Silence for:
- Every Broken Charger Cable
- Every Pair of Headphones I’ve Ever Owned
- My Motivation
- That One School Project I Never Finished
Sponsored by:
Nobody
Seriously, We Have No Sponsors
But If You Wanna Give Me Money, Call Me
Important Scientific Discoveries
- A Spoon Will Fall Face Down 90% of the Time
- A Lost Sock Will Never Return
- Murphy’s Law is the Only Law That Always Works
- Time Moves Faster When You're on Your Phone
Unnecessary Legal Disclaimer
- This Film is Not Responsible for Any Loss of Brain Cells
- All Facts Stated Are 100% True Unless Proven Otherwise
- Any Resemblance to Real People is Probably Not a Coincidence
- Don’t Try This at Home, Unless It’s Funny
Random Thoughts I Had While Writing This
- Why Do We Call It a "Building" When It’s Already Built?
- If Tomato is a Fruit, is Ketchup a Smoothie?
- Why Do We Only Eat Pancakes for Breakfast? Who Made That Rule?
- If You Clean a Vacuum, Are You a Vacuum Cleaner?
The Mystery of Mondays
- We May Never Know Why They Exist
- But We’re All Suffering Together
COPYRIGHT © 2020 - 2024
All Rights Reserved. But, like, feel free to steal the jokes.
The End.
Or is it?
Post-Credit Scene:
- Just Kidding, There’s Nothing Here
- Or Is There?
STILL HERE?
Wow. You really sat through this whole thing?
That’s... impressive. Or worrying. One of the two.
Since you’re still here, here’s a fun fact:
FUN FACT
Did you know that every person blinks about 20 times per minute?
That means, by the time you finish reading this, you’ve probably blinked at least 15 times.
Or you’ve been holding your eyes open this whole time.
Either way, now you’re thinking about blinking.
You’re welcome.
LOST FOOTAGE TEAM
Director of “Where Did That Clip Go?”: A Random Hard Drive
Head of “We’ll Fix It in Post”: A Guy Who Definitely Didn’t
Chief of “The Editor Gave Up at 3AM”: This Whole Department
VFX TEAM
- That One Guy Who Knows After Effects
- The Render Progress Bar (Forever Stuck at 99%)
- Someone Who Watched a YouTube Tutorial Once
STUNT COORDINATORS
- That Guy Who Said “It’s Probably Safe”
- My Ego, Which Took the Hardest Hits
ANIMALS USED IN THIS FILM
- One Annoyed Cat
- A Random Squirrel That Showed Up Once
- The Dog Who Refused to Follow the Script
- No Actual Dinosaurs (Unfortunately)
THE STORY THAT MAKES NO SENSE
In 2006, a team of highly trained scientists tried to build a time machine out of a shopping cart.
It didn’t work.
But it did somehow get stuck in a tree, and to this day, no one knows how.
If you see a shopping cart in a random place, it’s probably still traveling through time.
DEPARTMENT OF THINGS THAT MAKE NO SENSE
- The fact that CDs still exist
- The way movie popcorn costs more than a house
- Why people still use Internet Explorer (Are you okay??)
- Why Bluetooth headphones ALWAYS disconnect at the worst time
EXTRA LEGAL DISCLAIMERS
- No shopping carts were harmed in the making of this film (probably).
- Any resemblance to real events is purely coincidental. Except for the embarrassing moments. Those are real.
- Do not attempt to recreate anything you saw here unless you have absolutely nothing better to do.
FINAL WORDS
This film was brought to you by:
- A ridiculous amount of free time
- A slightly concerning amount of energy drinks
- The inability to leave well enough alone
OKAY, NOW IT’S REALLY OVER
Or is it?
"You're still here? The movie is over. Go home." - Ferris Bueller